Drizzle

if you want revenge, apologize….

A house in the mountain areas of Switzerland. The comfortable season of winter. I always like to live in the cold. As soon as I started my studies here, I have been longing to come to a place like this. Why did I come so far to study? I will tell that later. First let me feel the comfort of this beautiful season.

A peaceful valley that is far beyond the sight of your eyes. The trees which were dancing with their freshness and greenery have silently bowed. Even if I can’t see nothing more than three feet due to the heavy fog; I know this place. The pond that lies in between the jetty I’m walking is a page from history. The drizzle and the cold breeze are my witnesses. Even though they can’t speak, it seems like they are asking “Where is he?” “Why does this place feel so deserted?” “Why are you so depressed?”

He was someone who sacrificed for me. How many days did he come after me? That’s a son of my father’s best friend. We traveled together, to different places of the world. He would always be very close to me. It seems like we were friends. But I knew that he looked at me in a different vision. Then I didn’t have any interest at all. I thought he didn’t have any features that I was looking for. In my heart, I believed that I was very gorgeous.

Since school days he was after me. Now I think; I felt contended when I see him from everywhere I go. I felt unintentionally safe when he is present in everywhere I go. Later I got too proud of it – the fact that someone is so crazy about me made me too snobbish. Instead of being thankful for my blessing; I got self-important. I thought that everyone would be that crazy about me. I don’t necessarily have to care about it. When the time comes, even if I close my eyes and hold out my hand – there will be lots of men who will die to hold it.

When we graduated from school, we both went to the same college. Although I knew that he loves me so much, I just pretended that I didn’t know. To tell the truth, I did even take advantage from him. I made him do my home work. While he restlessly was awake, I slept. I partied out with friends, and confessed to my father that I was with him. He helped me in everything. He hid my flaws.

We come here with friends. He also comes as a friend. In every winter we use to go for walks. He was nothing more than a friend. He didn’t complain. He would gaze at my eyes, as if I’m a portrait drawn by a famous artist. He asked for love from these eyes. He looked to see if there was any bit of love which he can get; with hope and patience. How stupid was I? For which fear did I ran away from him? Doesn’t every girl want such an admirer?

His patience went off its limits, when I returned Male’ from my studies. Left alone the acceptance of his love, I didn’t even give him a hint. He didn’t want to spend his whole life for me. Therefore, he simply asked for my love. Though I knew he loved me even before, I took it by surprise. I pretended that I didn’t even hope for it. I gave a cruel answer to him, him being someone who had admired me for his whole life.

“Forget it” I told him. There wasn’t anything he didn’t do for me. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to keep me happy. In return I just gave two words “Forget it”

Will there be anyone who is more proud than I am? In spite of the blunt reply, he wasn’t angry. He smiled and nodded. And with full of respect he apologized. That was the biggest pain I got. People say, if you want to take revenge from someone, forgive them. If he didn’t forgive that day and instead got angry, I could easily live without him today. My heart melted for that apology he made. That incident happened in an afternoon. Even late that evening, I waited for him to ask me that question again. I didn’t have the courage to accept his love at first. Do think. He asked for my love not knowing the answer that I will give. I knew his answer. But I couldn’t ask. How courageous was he?

He married to someone his parents arranged. Without any complains. When he didn’t have me, everyone he wanted from this world was gone. How am I “so different from others”?

People say. When you see them off your eyes, you lose them from your heart as well. But that didn’t happen to me. Four years have passed since, but still the waves of his memories haunt my heart. It’s still as if it was something that happened just yesterday. I always thought that love was a sweet sweet happiness. Never thought it would be such a deadly poison. He will now be spending his time with his family. Here I am alone here. My eyes wet in his memories. I believe, not everyone is lucky enough to have true love. But am I that unlucky? If love can be bought, there is nothing my parents can’t buy. They want me to be happy. I can’t make them sad. I will try. I will be courageous. What I lost was the love. His memories belong to me. Who doesn’t remember the first love? Oh my love…be happy. Try to think of me in everyday that drizzles.